Therapy for Perfectionism in Chicago and Online (Illinois & California)

What Is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism shows up in ways that are more than just “wanting to do well.” It can deeply affect how we think, feel, and relate to others:

• A harsh inner critic that never lets up

• Fear of failure, judgment, or rejection

• Chronic people-pleasing or overachievement

• Trouble resting, relaxing, or celebrating progress

• Feeling disconnected from emotions or needs

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It often drives achievement while quietly draining joy, connection, and self-worth.

 

Where Perfectionism Comes From

This pattern is often rooted in early experiences where acceptance felt conditional:

• Growing up with critical or emotionally unavailable caregivers

• Feeling unseen or unaccepted due to your identity (e.g., LGBTQ+, neurodivergent, BIPOC)

• Being praised only for success, looks, or achievements

• Attachment trauma or environments where mistakes were punished

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In this context, perfectionism becomes a survival skill—a way to stay safe by controlling how you’re perceived.

 

When Criticism and Trauma Turn Perfectionism Into a Burden

Perfectionism doesn’t start as a problem—it often begins as a helpful way to stay safe, earn approval, or prevent mistakes. A little striving can support growth. But when trauma or chronic shame are present, perfectionism can shift from helpful to overwhelming. It stops being about doing well and starts being about avoiding failure at all costs. Over time, the pressure to get everything “just right” can drain the joy from life, relationships, and even the things you love. Therapy helps you soften this grip, so you can reconnect with freedom, creativity, and self-worth.

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The Shame-Perfectionism Loop

Shame and perfectionism feed off each other. The perfectionist part believes: "If I'm flawless, I won't be rejected." But when perfection is impossible, shame floods in, reinforcing the need to try even harder.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps us understand these parts—not as flaws, but as protectors doing their best. When we listen to them with compassion, healing begins.

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How Therapy Can Help

Our approach combines somatic, trauma-informed, and identity-affirming practices:

• IFS (Internal Family Systems) to meet your inner perfectionist with compassion

• Somatic Therapy to calm the nervous system and release tension stored in the body

• EMDR Therapy to reprocess early shame-based memories that keep you stuck

• Attachment Repair through a warm, collaborative therapeutic relationship

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Therapy is not about eliminating your high standards—it’s about softening the fear and shame beneath them.

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LGBTQ+ Affirming and Culturally Responsive Care

Perfectionism often intersects with identity. LGBTQ+ individuals, especially gay men, may find themselves striving to be "ideal" in both body and career. For some, this looks like sculpting the perfect physique (sometimes referred to as the "Adonis complex"); for others, it's excelling professionally as a way to feel worthy or safe. These patterns are understandable responses to internalized shame and cultural pressure. Therapy with us honors your full humanity—you won’t have to explain or defend who you are.

 

All bodies, identities, and relationship structures are welcome.

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Chicago Neighborhoods We Serve (In Person)

In-person therapy is available at our office conveniently located in Ravenswood conveniently right off the Irving Park Brown Line stop. We regularly welcome clients from:

• Andersonville

• Lakeview

• Lincoln Square

• Uptown

• Edgewater

• Irving Park

• Ravenswood

• Roscoe Village

• North Center

• Albany Park

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Virtual Therapy in Illinois and California

If you're located anywhere in Illinois or California (including Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Sacramento, and more), we offer virtual therapy sessions with the same trauma-informed, somatic, and IFS-based care.

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Ready to Soften Perfectionism’s Grip?

Healing from perfectionism isn’t about settling—it’s about making space for your full humanity. If you're ready to be met with warmth, curiosity, and care, reach out for a free 20-minute consultation today. You can find out more information about our practice by visiting here or checkout other areas and information about services here.

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📍 In-person shame therapy in Ravenswood Industrial Corridor Chicago

💻 Online anxiety therapy online for Illinois and California residents​

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