Shame Therapy in Chicago and Los Angeles: Healing the Wounds of Not Feeling Good Enough

Shame is a painful and often hidden emotional wound. It tells us we’re not good enough, that we’re broken, unlovable, or fundamentally flawed. It can show up as perfectionism, self-criticism, fear of being truly seen, or a persistent sense of “badness.” In therapy, shame often emerges not just as a symptom, but as a root wound—one that’s often linked to early experiences of disconnection, criticism, or emotional neglect.

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At Chris Peters Psychotherapy, we offer trauma-informed shame treatment to help you understand where this wound comes from, how it affects your sense of self and relationships, and how to begin healing from it. Whether in person in Chicago or virtually in Los Angeles or California, this work is gentle, deep, and ultimately about reclaiming your inherent worth.

What Is Shame?​

Shame is more than guilt over something you did—it’s the belief that you yourself are wrong, inadequate, or defective. It’s a deeply embodied feeling that can color your entire experience of life. Shame often leads to disconnection, secrecy, people-pleasing, avoidance, or relentless self-improvement. Shame is the opposite of pride and leads to feelings of shutdown, often overriding our ability to feel any other emotion.

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Unlike guilt, which says “I did something bad,” shame says “I am bad.” And that belief is heavy. It isn't that you just did something wrong, but that you are fundamentally defective. Ouch.

 

How Shame Develops

Shame usually doesn’t come out of nowhere—it’s learned. It often develops in response to attachment wounds, like:

• Being criticized, shamed, or punished for having needs or emotions

• Having caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or inconsistent

• Experiencing emotional neglect, abuse, or abandonment

• Growing up in environments where perfection was expected and mistakes weren’t safe

• Feeling different due to identity (e.g., sexuality, gender, neurodivergence) and being treated as “other”

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Over time, these early experiences shape internal beliefs and behaviors—like over-functioning, shutting down, numbing out, or constantly striving—that try to keep you safe, but often keep you feeling disconnected from your authentic self.

 

Shame and the Inner Critic

A common byproduct of shame is the development of a strong inner critic—a part of you that monitors, judges, and attacks in an attempt to avoid rejection or failure. While the critic may seem cruel, it's often rooted in protection: if you can shame yourself first, maybe others won’t.

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In therapy, we don’t try to “get rid of” this critical part. Instead, we get curious about it. Using Internal Family Systems (IFS), we explore how these parts came to be and what they’re trying to protect. When we can meet them with compassion, they begin to soften.

 

Shame and Perfectionism

Perfectionism is often a strategy to outrun shame. If I can be perfect, maybe I’ll finally feel good enough. But perfectionism is a trap: it reinforces the idea that your worth is conditional—that you are only lovable when you perform, produce, or please.

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Therapy helps unravel these patterns so you can feel safe being fully human: flawed, messy, and still worthy of love and connection.

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Shame in the Gay and Queer Community 

Shame is especially prevalent in the gay male and queer community. Many LGBTQ+ individuals grow up without fully mirrored or affirmed identities, often internalizing the belief that who they are is “wrong” or “too much.” Even in adulthood, these early wounds can linger—in relationships, in sex, in success, and in the relationship with oneself.

 

Shame can show up in:

• Difficulty trusting or connecting intimately

• Body image struggles

• Substance use

• Hyper-independence or over-achieving

• Avoidance of vulnerability or authenticity

• Hypersexualism 

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Therapy offers a space to safely explore and release these patterns, reconnect with your inherent worth, and build a more authentic relationship with yourself and others.

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A Trauma-Informed Approach to Healing Shame

Shame is held not just in the mind but in the body and nervous system. That’s why our approach to shame therapy is somatically attuned and trauma-informed.

 

We draw from:

• Internal Family Systems (IFS): to explore and unburden protective and critical parts

• EMDR Therapy: to reprocess painful memories that carry shame-based beliefs

• Somatic Therapy: to help the body release stored shame and restore a sense of safety

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This work is about more than insight—it’s about integration, healing, and reconnecting to your full self.

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In-Person and Online Shame Therapy in Chicago and Los Angeles

We offer shame therapy both in person at our Chicago office and virtually for clients across Los Angeles. If you're located in Chicago, our practice is easily accessible from neighborhoods like Lakeview, Andersonville, Lincoln Park, Uptown, Edgewater, Roscoe Village and Rogers Park. Whether you’re just starting to explore these patterns or have done years of therapy and still feel “stuck,” we welcome you into this work with gentleness and depth.

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Ready to Begin Shame Healing Therapy?

If shame has kept you feeling small, disconnected, or never quite good enough, therapy can offer a path forward. Not a quick fix—but a slow, steady return to yourself.

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📍 In-person shame therapy in Ravenswood Corridor Chicago
💻 Online shame therapy online for Illinois and California residents 

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